The day I refused to be a “hun”

The day i got called “hun” and I refused to let it go.

I’ve been told I was in a bad day. I’ve been told I was on my periods, that I was really too sensitive. The day I refused to be called “hun”, to be that “hun” men would be condescending to was the day everything changed.

The truth is, once you promise to stand up for what you believe in, it’s hard to take a step back (considering you want to stay true to yourself, obviously) . I was known for my feminist fights, for my lectures on how boys should behave towards women and I found appalling the fact I was too shy to stand up for myself. I’ve been called a “hot mess” and I didn’t say anything back. I’ve been told that the only “worthy thing of my body” were my boobs, and it disgusted me, it made me so angry, but I still didn’t say anything. I’ve been a hun so many times I had to ask myself how many boyfriends I had at that time, or more likely how many guys thought of me as their “hunny”. The truth is, it doesn’t matter. The truth is, once is already too many times.

By the time I turned 25, I thought I’d stand up for myself. That all the lessons I was teaching to other people, I’d teach them to myself. That’s what happens when you reach 25. Your friend has been sexually abused, you are scared of not being able to bring the “right” answer. Suddenly I realized I was more of a woman than I’ve ever been. And that I needed to stand up for myself. I had to conclude that fighting for others to get rights :  to vote, to be equally paid, to be fed, educated, and to be free ; is waaay easier than fighting for my own rights. Because when the answer is no, when everything is denied, it touches me before anyone else. Because there is no one else that can do anything for you. Your pride will prevent you from calling for help even though you desperately need it and want it. Because feeling alone, lonely is the worst situation ever. Because being yourself is so hard that you don’t want anyone to feel that way.I had to  accept the harsh reality : the world didn’t make it easy for me, for my female friends, and for Femanity. I do not enjoy considerate us women as another part of HUmanity, but reality shows us that we are. That no matter what, we stay a minority. That we “need to be protected”, that being a single woman enjoying the soft air of solitude is a problem.

I have always been optimistic, it was easier this way. Easier than facing poverty, violence and ignorance. it was easier to feel like tomorrow’s going to be better to support and carry the family. It was easier to believe there was an escape, to find that a way to go road. I’ve found it, and I couldn’t be more grateful. It opened doors to me, and more places to complain about, and more fights to lead, more motivations to live on. In the mornings, I need to think about all those inequalities, those unfair situations that await for me to fight them. What will happen when those fights will be won ? I’ll turn myself to another war, as long as strength is there. as long as I am alive, I’ll stand up.

Being from a poor neighborhood educated me. It taught me that men will stare and even comment without ever feeling sorry or guilty. That anytime I’ll need to go out of my little world and go to the Big One. And that day I’ll have to realize that until then, everything was pretty easy for me. That anything that would happen to me until then, it’ll be ten times worse. That cars will stop as if I were a hooker. That I’ll know how to proceed if I felt harassed. That 100% of my female coworkers felt stalked and abused at some point. It was a horrible thing to hear, and a comfort to know I was not alone. To know that there were people here, outside, helping me to grow up.

One day, you realize that you have the Fighter potential. That you can do it, no matter how hard it will get. You are not one of those girls who enjoy being catcalled, you are not one of those who want to be complimented for who you are outside, but for who is you, inside. All those good stuff about you, that’s what you want people to notice. To laugh at your jokes, to get inspired by your smartness, to be sweetened by your kindness. Is there any girl on Earth that would want only her physical appearance to be noted instead of who she is, really, truly ?

The day I stood up for myself was like a revelation. Not a holy one, but a life security one. no one was authorized to call me hun or darling, or honey, or sweety, because I was simply none of that. I was not someone that was owned, that was anyone else than me and mine.

The day I let a man own me was something I didn’t expect to turn out so bad. i thought it’d be easy, that I could lay my head on his shoulder and let him take care of me. Truth is, no matter how much they want you, one day or another you’ll be on your own. And what are you going to do that day ? Unprepared and suddenly free, you’ll haunt the streets till you find a purpose to your life. You’d better come prepared. You’d better grow up and be yourself, grow that plant that is inside of you, no matter what it ends up to be : your mathematician yourself, an artistic being, anything that is you is great.

I remember guys checking me out as if I was a piece (delicious one, of course) of bacon, or whatever treat they were into. I remember being just a pair of boobs. I remember my ego only going down and down and down.

The question is : what is the solution to this ? Bring Saturnian men to Earth, making them educate our Men ? What if they’re not that better ? Men always astonished me, for their ability to run away at the right moment (my birth), to compliment a woman just how she’d love it (‘’ your dress is underlining the right spots of your body aka your boobs and as, great job”). I am not saying all men do that I am not saying I don’t like the manhood and all that, no. I’m just pointing out that sometimes, often, they do stuff in a sexist way, and I don’t enjoy that !

Should I get my own bodyguard aka a boyfriend to defend me ? Why should I get rid of my freedom when nothing can be better than it… The answer is simple : education. Education is the answer towards discrimination whether they are sexual or racial. We should teach boys and adult that being a girl doesn’t mean being less better. That women are strong and independent, just like men are. This is not newsflash, in case you haven’t noticed. plenty of girls have achieved things that you’d think only men can do. Why not more ? I’m going to ask you in another way : why don’t you let more space to girls so they can truly show you what they are capable of ? Are you scared ? Do you feel threatened about your job, your high position, everything that you earned “fair and square” aka throwing people out of the bridge of the “Dangerous and yet exciting world of Career” ?

Women are not here to cut off your balls, to steal your jobs or to make you stay at home (which you gladly did to her, and now you are just afraid of revenge). Women are not monsters looking for blood. They are here, We are here to defend ourselves. World has changed since the Antique Ages, in case you haven’t noticed. How we can build a world where we’ll be equal. No, I am not some female Martin Luther King, no I am not on my periods, stop asking!

Why does everything seem to be a product of my tortured imagination ? Or why does it sound like a Miss World candidate speech or worse, a CareBear scenario ? Changing is possible, women being independent is not an utopia. This is not a sexist claim, this is not an anti-men protest. Just like when I protest with Black People asking for a non violence society, a peaceful life and more equality, it’s not an Anti-White démarche. It is all about going forward and not backward, it is about living according to our time and not being nostalgic about a time when not everybody was equal, when money was a criteria judging who could vote and who couldn’t.

This is not about being a feminist but being a citizen. This is not about being a politician asking for voters for when I’ll be a candidate for a Presidential Election (2056 in Saturn, feel relieved !) but a human being craving for some peace. My shoulder hurts as I raise my fist way too much, my throat hurts even though the honey drops sellers are now happy. This is not a goodbye, it is a see you later !